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One of the hardest moments of my life happened exactly two months ago. On December 18th at approximately 10:30AM, I got a text asking if I had heard the terrifying news. We lost one of the most fierce warriors and lovers of King Jesus I’ve ever known. Linda Schnackenburg went to bed the night before and woke up in heaven. My insides turned over and over. I couldn’t believe my dear friend had passed away in the night. You may have had the honor of knowing Linda. She was quite possibly the kindest person you’ve ever met.

After sitting on her family’s couch, sobbing nearly uncontrollably,  Bob and I accepted the invitation to officiate Linda’s Celebration of Life. Our spirits soared knowing that we would have this great honor.

All plans were in place and quite perfect. I was able to distract myself for several days with all of the planning and preparation, and at the same time I was getting hit with waves of grief and wailing tears that erupted without any warning. These tears brought comfort and release, but something entirely different happened the day before the service.

I was alone in my bathroom and felt a significant moment catch up with me. I realized that the distractions could no longer save me and the tears weren’t there to release the pain. I stood there in silence and it hit me hard,

I don’t want to do this.

Nothing in me wants to do this.

I can’t do this.

There wasn’t a single distraction to whisk me away. There were no tears to release the fear. I had nothing of strength or encouragement in me.

Lord, Now what? What do I do? How am I going to get through this?

You don’t have to hold yourself up, Jenny. Lean into Me. I’ll hold you up.

But that wasn’t the end of it. I was prompted to stretch out my arms and lean against the cabinet in front of me. With my weight completely shifted onto the large immovable object, I closed my eyes and memorized this posture.

Holy Spirit, I am going to lean into you for this. I don’t have to perform my way through this. You already have the words prepared to come out of me. I trust that You will lead the way.

For at least one minute, I stayed in this position and imagined myself leaning just like that, all day long, into my Father. He wouldn’t fail me. I didn’t have to strive to fix my feelings. He was giving me permission to shift the pressure, shift the weight. Just BE.

Relief and peace RESTED on me that day. If you were there, you saw me standing upright in my body, but my spirit and soul were leaning WAY over into Jesus, LEANING into LOVE, into Christ.

The next time you feel overwhelmed, hopeless, anxious, stressed, depressed, over-stimulated, frustrated, irritated, scared, weak…. LEAN. Find a nearby object and literally lean into it. Close your eyes and memorize this posture as you lean into the finished work of Christ. He. Will. Not. Fail. You.

Lean and Trust,

Jenny

16 Comments

  • Jean Crawford says:

    This post made the tears flow today. I’ve been walking through a season of needing to LEAN so much on Jesus. I honestly don’t know where I would be without Him! He is my daily portion & strength. Thank you for your transparency Jenny. We don’t ever have to hold it all together on our own, we just have to know the One who does!

  • My Lord has asked me to also lean in and rest in Him. In his arms, in his embrace is where I will be held and healed. I still have to learn how to do this better when fear overwhelms me, each morning and throughout the day. I ask him to teach me about increasing my trust in him with my children and husband. Help me to get rid of my false since of control. I really have no other place to run except into his arms. I am thankful for his love and great compassion toward me.

  • “I closed my eyes and memorized this posture.” I love the way you intentionally pulled in your physical senses to more fully experience LEANING and REST at the same time. It’s an awesome practice for learning anything new that helps things stick faster and better. Thank you for demonstrating
    practical ‘how’s of rest. Love your authenticity! “We consider living to mean that we are constantly being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake so that the life of Jesus will be revealed through our humanity.’ 2 Cor 4:11

  • Peggy Norton says:

    I’m so glad you posted this vulnerable, beautiful share. I remember thinking that day you were not yourself. It was clear something / Someone was holding you up. I could feel your weakness and Jesus’ strength keeping you together; His hands around your heart protecting it. I was praying for you. I so love how He met you in a private moment, with a profound simple message, through an inanimate object that substantially revealed His tangible Presence and provision to you exactly when you needed it, even though He is Spirit. I love the way He talks, reveals and reaches us in ways that imprint and affect us forever. Thanks to you I now have this leaning, trusted God encounter available to me in my head, heart and physical being whenever needed. Thank you Jesus 💗 Thank you Jenny 💗 You’re so loved

  • Janelle Friedrich says:

    Ah!!! Tears!!! I have done this several times since I learned this tool. Things happen daily and having these tools help you get through the day with ease, peace and grace. Love this.

  • Great content! Super high-quality! Keep it up! 🙂

  • Samantha Gillespie says:

    Thank you for sharing this! I lean on Him for so much and am walking through so much with Him. I think I need to be leaning on Him even more. I’m 2 years old in/with Jesus, and He has brought so much deliverance and healing already, but I still have a very long ways to go! Daily I tell Him that I am absolutely nothing and can do nothing without Him, His strength, His love, His grace, His words and His presence, because it is so true. I cannot live and be a human and “do life” without Him and all He is! I’m a pretty broken piece of work, but my Creator loves me and He’s REAL😄 It’s pretty awesome, and I’m grateful 🤗

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